Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
