it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
