If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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