he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
