3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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