Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
