all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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