We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
