I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
