Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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