Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
