therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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