Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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