and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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