Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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