Apparently you make a good broom.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
