you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
