For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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