I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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