he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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