i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize