Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
