ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize