Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
All I want is dick and wine.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize