I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize