She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
