he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
