I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
