To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
