so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize