Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
