I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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