We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
