I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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