Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
