too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
