yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
