bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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