Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
