I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
