Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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