I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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