I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
