I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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