You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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