Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
