No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
