Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
