i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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