She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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