A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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