any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
