You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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