@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
40s are totally the cure
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
