So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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