I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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