I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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