you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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