I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So drunk its hurt
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
All I want is dick and wine.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
