Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
They have beer where we have blood.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
