I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I cut my penus on the lid.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
