Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I didn't notice because vodka
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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