when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
